If you were me

[Inxerene]

I've had this.. problem.. in the family. Now then, I do want to know is that.. if a family member disowns their own family for their lover (girlfriend/boyfriend) and when the family confronts them about it, they get angry and punches a hole in the wall, break the floor tiling by throwing the pool table, and threaten your loved ones, what would you do? Your family tells you not to call the police and tells you to keep out of it but you know in the bottom of your heart that you want to help. The problem is, the family member that is disowning the family lives in the same house as you do and they threaten you to move out within 30 days. Is there a possible way to overcome this.. hate.. between the family or is it too late to save the said disowning family member? Should you let them cool off? Even so, what if they never cool off and your presence is somewhat threatening to them, so to speak? I.. I just don't know what to do.

[corruption]

One important matter is why they feel they have to disown their family for their partner. If the family does not approve of the partner, there may be a reason for it, or there may be something wrong with the family's judgement. If the partner is insisting on it, ask the family member who is doing the disowning why they feel the need to do so.

Such rifts in families are bad, and even i the family member changes their mind, it will still damage the family bonds. I doubt things will be as they were before.

[MemaiShirosaki]

Not sure if I should mince words but adkslajdlkasjlkda personally, my thoughts on this:

You should ask why your family is opposed to the relationship in the first place. It could be for various amounts of reasons, but if more than one person has a negative feeling about this boyfriend or lover you're talking about, they might be onto something. They probably don't see things through the rose-tinted glasses that the boyfriend's partner has on and probably sees his flaws and misdoings more clearly. Just something to think about.

Reminds me of this show on MTV: Parental Control? The person obviously loves his/her girl/boyfriend, to the point that they dismiss every obnoxious thing they did. The parents opposed to it naturally and stated their reasons why, and viewers were facepalming nationwide wondering how anyone could manage to handle someone like that.

Also, disowning a family (member) isn't a good idea, unless in very severe, special cases. Talking things out and trying to reach an understanding is the better route. My family rejected the idea of me seeing my boyfriend, even though I had been dating him for so long. But I brought him to them and introduced him and got them familiar with him, now we're all just happy and get along well. It may not work out for this family member you're speaking of, but at least trying to see things from their perspective probably will give you a better idea on the subject and to see where they're coming from.

[Inxerene]

Well.. I should be more clearer about this: My uncle, a grown man, has disowned his entire family. He told my mom to die, he pushed her and punched a hole in the wall. He's kicking us out in a month so that he can move in his girlfriend and her kids in and we don't know what to do. We're practically hiding from him; even to the point of sneaking out of our own rooms. My mom is still upset that she lost her best friend (her brother) and everything has gone out of line. If we talk to him, he only rages. If we even say hi to him, he rages. My stepdad thinks he has a drug problem ever since he met this girl. Her kids are all drug/alcohol abusers so we strongly believe that he has taken some of that influence from them. He only loves them. He never comes to the family's birthdays anymore, he never socialize WITH the family and he leaves rude remarks about everyone. My mom has only tried to be there for him and he threatened to kill her the night we confronted him about his abusive nature. We believe that this woman has taken over his life completely to where we're all scared of even looking at my uncle's way. He's losing his job, his money, everything that he had worked hard in the past for his so-called girlfriend. We have tried to help him but he gets more abusive and angry.

[MemaiShirosaki]

Well, that makes the situation all the more dangerous! D:

I think you need to seriously call the police against this guy. Threatening to kill someone more than enough reason to get this guy some help, even if you need the help of the police to get him to do it. Like I said before; sometimes when you're in "love", you have these rose-tinted glasses on and you believe everything you do is right and justified, eventhough in reality, it isn't.

Just, please call the police :< If small, unrelated interactions with him is enough to cause him to rage and disown the family, this man probably needs some help. If he continues to threaten you if he finds out about making the call, shift out temporarily until your uncle is removed from the house? You could always mention to the police when making the report about these threats and to keep it on the down low, at least until they show up and have enough manpower to take him down if this get out of hand.

Leaving this sort of behavior unattended will probably end up with your family homeless and penniless :<

[Inxerene]

We didn't want to call the police even when we had the chance to.. see.. my stepdad was the one who started the fight with my uncle. During the time he has dated this woman, he never spoke to the family. He would either stay in his bedroom all day, talking to her on webcam, or travel 6 hours just to be with her. He never cared for the family's health nor cared that my sister had a baby. He was never like this in the past, even when he was still with his pain-drug addicted wife. Now.. I don't feel comfortable around him anymore. I'm scared to get out of my room when he's around. Hell, I hide in my parents' room when he's around. My stepdad nowadays TEXTS me when dinner's done because he's scared to go near my uncle's room since my room is right across from it. There's no passion in this house anymore. There's only tension and fear. Anyway, the fight started when my mom got a call from my grandma, saying that the girlfriend was coming by next week and that's why my uncle was cleaning his room. Furious, my stepdad went over and yelled at him because he never even mentioned about her arrival. Oh yes, he spoke to his mother about it but why not the people in the same house he lived in? Answer: He secretly wanted to kick us three out so that he can move his girlfriend and her children in. He didn't know how to though, so he decided to make our lives a living Hell to where we felt uncomfortable about living here. If we had called the police, my stepdad and my uncle would be in jail. My stepdad was already in jail in the past for violence towards another man but with his bad heart condition, he won't survive jail for long.

I told my mom today... that I want to move now. Usually I don't think about this.. but.. I wish my uncle would receive HORRIBLE Karma out of this. I'm not the type to wish such bad things.. but if it's going to open his eyes as to how much this woman has destroyed the family, then dammit, let those bad things happen.

[corruption]

Get out of the house. He sounds very unstable and dangerous. You have told your parents you are scared of him, and it is good you told them. If he wishes to not be connected to the rest of the family, then do not place yourselves in danger to help him.

He sounds to be in a bad way, and may try to latter on wheedle money out of the rest of the family. Don't let him. If he threatens violence or gets violent when refused money, call the police on him.

I was tempted to advise you to tip the police off to them having drugs there after the girlfriend and her children move in, but then had second thoughts in case he figured out it was you lot.

Just remember this; if he wants to disown the family, then the family has no duty to treat him as a member.

[MemaiShirosaki]

I seriously, seriously suggest you call the police. If your uncle is the reason your family is living in fear and tension, it doesn't matter who started what; your uncle sounds pretty dangerous and unstable, and the police would more likely send him off and rid of him than your stepdad. Also, if your stepdad has a heart condition, it doesn't make it any better with the current situation you're in. You guys need help, NOW ;____;

Added to that, people start arguments all the time; to the police, it doesn't matter who started what, it all matters on who acted the worse. Your uncle, being much older and living with your family for a while now, should know how to react appropriately. If your stepdad had provoked this sort of behaviour from your uncle; think of it this way: it's better that you know how dangerous your uncle is, rather than knowing later when it could be much, much worse.

Please call the police. You can also ask them about any protection services they or others might offer it you fear things will get worse later on.

[Inxerene]

It's fine.. (besides my Uncle isn't the oldest; he's two years younger than my mom and a year younger than my stepdad) We're moving from this house and already got a lot packed. He's still going to bring his mistress (he's still on divorce papers with his wife but he hasn't divorced her to the fact that he's still getting benefits out of the marriage) next week so.. yeeeah.. We don't want to see her. My sister and her husband are the only people he considers as family anymore because she was neutral to the whole situation. But don't worry! He's going to regret everything. That woman is going to take everything from him like she did with her previous husbands. Wanna know what they were? NAVY SOLDIERS. I'm serious! She downgraded from Navy men to some geek who works at a college. She has taken everything from the first husband but the second left her stone cold because she was trying to manipulate him. Well now she's manipulating my uncle because she thinks he has money. It's actually quite sad but funny at the same time because he's just so blinded by her, he thinks he's living in heaven when really, he's going ghetto. He bought a new car to impress her, bought her and her kids new $300 phones when he couldn't get one for himself, bought her a Wii, bought her an Xbox360, hell, he bought her kids clothes that were worth $500! She's been using him since day one but noooooooo... he won't listen.. he wants my mom's money (well, she was paying rent to him for the house) but he doesn't see that she has been paying him when clearly, she was. Every. Week. $1000 a week. We have no money because of it and he's been using it to spend it on his girlfriend. F the bills. F the dog food and cat food and fish food. He won't take care of the animals or the house. His main concern is that woman. You know what? Let him destroy himself. He's going to be crawling back again like last time.

[SRQ]

My brother does this every single time he gets a girlfriend. He's single now and I am dreading the next one.

He pushes us away, spends all his time out, becomes demanding and impolite, and then tells us that we're the reason why the family is drifting apart. This is before anyone even says anything about his girlfriend.

And yet afterwards we are still the ones who have to pick up all the pieces when it all goes to sh-

-shrug-

Since its your uncle, to be quite honest... hes old enough to live with his own mistakes. Though they say there is always one man in every family who thinks with his dong and not his brain. They are also the ones who usually punch stuff when angry.

[Inxerene]

Welp.. it has gotten worse than before. It's not even 30 days yet and he's already taking away the internet, the tv cable, the air conditioning, and turned both the washer and dryer completely off so that we cannot do our laundry. *sigh* We're very close to moving out anyway so the dickwad should learn to be patient. He's filled with so much dedication and hate towards us. Isn't it lovely? However, we have made it where we're ignoring his actions and actually keeping a smile on our faces as to which it's pissing him off very badly. He's craving the anger and we're not delivering it to him. I feel sort of bad for the fool but oh well. No one can save him. He disowned his family, his pets, EVERYTHING for this woman. Well we have an Ace card too. My stepdad is planning to tell my uncle's soon-to-be divorced wife about all this and he's going to help her win everything just because of my uncle's ILLEGAL actions towards the family. Btw, I'm not even on my own computer because of this. I'm on my grandma's computer so.. I could only do this much for a little amount of time.