Something I shouldn't make a big deal about.[Adult!]

[Warlin]

Alright so uh, I'm usually generally a pretty open and honest person. It's pretty hard for me to lie, so I usually just shut up instead when I don't want someone to know something, I suppose. I've been... shutting up a lot of things lately. This is a fairly sensitive and adult subject. Just as a warning, I suppose. I probably wouldn't express this on any other sort of public forum. You guys are pretty good at not being ridiculous about these kind of things.

It probably isn't something I should make a big deal about either, but for some reason or another, I want to. I've always considered myself a pretty straight individual, and I've always been fairly confident in my sexuality. I don't really hate homosexuals, and I've never really had a problem with them, although the idea of imagining myself in a fairly intimate situation with another male has always been repulsive for me.

I guess... lately, though, something has been changing in me, and I don't really know what triggered it. I've been more and more finding certain males attractive, just as I've found certain women attractive. I can't really say for sure what I want, but since I've only ever dated one female, and it ended in disaster when I basically told her I couldn't really accept her personality, I guess really now I'm starting to doubt a lot of things.

I still find the idea of an intimate situation with another male repulsive, but not for the same reasons I have before. Now I just find it ridiculous rather than disgusting. I can't really explain why this is so shocking for me, but it makes me think a lot on what I want. I guess I'm bi-curious? I don't know. It seems important, since I've always considered who I am to be a large concern in my life.

Like I said, I really, really shouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I am. This isn't something I've known my whole life; it's just barely popping up. So I was hoping maybe someone who has had similar feelings can tell me if it's just curiosity or if it might be something else. I don't really want to wait to find out what this is.

[Sonic-ock]

Sounds like you've caught the gay.

I had these feelings start springing up a few years ago as I was getting out of highschool and I thought it was a big dilema at the time even though I knew better, I was mostly afraid of what people that are close to me would think. I've never been in a relationship with another man, but I now feel like if I met the right man that I would be able to form a relationship with him even though I'm still apprehensive about what people would think. Sorry I'm not very helpful, all I can say is with time you might come to accept it.

you homo.

Spoiler! :

really though I hope you the best.

[blankd]

There is no shame in feeling either way, give it time and do not let your anxiety twist your feelings. It is perfectly fine to find beauty in others regardless of their sex, so don't be afraid.

If you want to talk more about it we're here for you.

[Mr Aids]

This isn't a big deal, people's sexuality aren't necessarily put into categories. Think of it more as a scale, starting from 100% straight (absolutely no interest in the same sex) to 100% homosexual (absolutely no interest in the opposite sex). Now there are relatively few people on the extreme end of either side of the scale, as almost everyone will entertain the thought of a homosexual relation (if they're straight) or heterosexual relation (if they're homosexual). This may be from finding a person attractive, to having a sexual relation, to a lifelong commitement.

For me personally I would label myself as heterosexual, as I hold the most interest in females. I tend to have most crushes on girls, and I find girls the most sexually attractive. However I do recognize certain males as being attractive (especially in the case of male celebrities), but I likely wouldn't enter a relationship, either platonic or sexual. So that would put be up the heterosexual end of the scale, but not at the extreme end. I think this is where a lot of people will find themselves on the scale.

[corruption]

I find the fact you found the concept of you and another man to be disgusting to be more worrying then the fact you are starting to be attracted to some men.

The fact you now consider the idea of you and another man to be merely ridiculouss may just mean you have realized on some level that male homosexuality is not as bad as people make it out to be, that it is not some evil thing. People are often raised to think of homosexuality like that via their parents opinion, social influence and more.

Finding the idea to be ridiculous could mean that you have accepted it is not wrong, but that it is not your thing.

I would say you should wait and see where things go. Just don't experiment if you think you will regret it latter as such experiments can really mess up a mind, and you need yours to settle down for a bit as you sort this out.

[The_Hankerchief]

Well, there's nothing wrong with recognizing the fact that someone looks good. Hell, we all do it, regardless of sex. There's often times where I'll say to myself, "Damn, he is one damn good looking individual." Doesn't necessarily mean you're gay, just that you think the person looks attractive. No harm in it, it's completely normal. Recognizing the attractiveness of an individual and wanting to sleep with them are two different things. So don't fret about it.

If however, you're genuinely feeling confused, just ride it out. As long as you find somebody in the end who really truly makes you happy, who cares what sex they are? And if your close friends and family don't support that, forget 'em. End of story. Just give it time, it'll all sort itself out.

[Warlin]

Thanks uh, for the advice guys. I just had to get that off my chest, I guess, because if I didn't say something to someone I might have flipped. In any event, I suppose you're right. I can't really force myself to go either way on this, so I guess I will have to wait it out. I'm not even twenty yet, so I think I've got enough life in me to figure it out anyways. I really do appreciate your help. I guess if anything, it's helped me calm down about this. I tend to get worked up.

[mitchellbravo]

Yeah, don't sweat it, I'd say. You may also go through phases where you're more attracted to one gender/sex than another. It's not much different from going through different aesthetic preferences. This is especially true if you don't feel the desire to be in a relationship with a specific person- it's just your sexuality toeing its own boundaries to find out where they lie.

And it's nothing to be ashamed about. You don't need to tell people if that makes you feel uncomfortable, but it isn't the 1950s anymore. It can be something you choose to keep to yourself, especially if you don't feel compelled to "make a move" with anyone in particular, just as you would keep to yourself any other fetish/fantasy you don't see the need to divulge. Perfectly normal and healthy.

But I will second corruption's comment about being wary that the thought is disgusting to you. See if you can't work on changing those feelings- if you sense yourself feeling repulsed, ask yourself why it makes you feel so strongly negative about it. It could even be that your negative reactions may fuel the urgency/extremeness of the sexual feelings you are experiencing, sort of a "taboo" situation where the fact that something is forbidden makes it more desireable. It doesn't necessarily apply, but it's worth considering.

[stripedwine]

I know exactly how you feel, except for the orientation part, and I gotta say, congratulations... you're human! No really, it's totally normal, and moreover it's okay to struggle with it a bit. Just go with the flow, be proud of yourself, and inevitably people won't really bat an eye. It just takes a little time, really.

[V.G.A]

Wait! Dude Do You Live In London??? IF Yes Then it Totally Makes Sense To Me .... If Not This Just For The Time Being, if you keep feeling like this after 3 weeks or so, then it'S true... YOU ARE BECOMING A HOMO

[Warlin]

Wait! Dude Do You Live In London??? :shock: :shock: IF Yes Then it Totally Makes Sense To Me :?.... If Not This Just For The Time Being, if you keep feeling like this after 3 weeks or so, then it'S true... YOU ARE BECOMING A HOMO :o

Real classy, guy.

Also, Mitchellbravo and uh, Corruption, I didn't really address this earlier but I think you two might be misinterpreting me just a little bit. Also I have a little bit of a background on that that sort of makes me previous disgust somewhat justified. You'll have to excuse me if I found the idea of an intimate experience with another man used to gross me out. It seems more like a natural response to how I was raised than anything. Well, there's another thing that contributed to that, too, but uh, I'd rather not profess that.

[Nikkinoodles]

Think of it more as a scale, starting from 100% straight (absolutely no interest in the same sex) to 100% homosexual (absolutely no interest in the opposite sex).

I know a girl who came into uni with a boyfriend and has left with a girlfriend. She came up with a clearer (at least I think so) explanation of that scale using colour. Red is straight and blue is gay/lesbian. There's some people who are either just red or just blue but most people are shades of purple. She's always insisted I was a plummy-purple, like a pure purple but with a little more red then blue.

Anyway... back on subject. Like you've said you've got plenty of time to decide your orientation but to be honest you never really need to label yourself if you don't want to. All that matters is that you're comfortable with yourself and happy. I knew a guy who was on the slightly more homosexual side of bisexual and he said he hated that he wasn't completely straight. That made me so sad that he hated a part of himself that much. You'll learn that it's the people who accept who you are, sexuality and all, that are the ones that really care for you and are your true friends.

I wish you the best at figuring it out.

[mitchellbravo]

That's fine. I'm not here to judge you, whatever reasons you have are yours and you don't have to share them with all and sundry. I was just throwing it out there in the case that your situation was similar to those of people I know who've just simply been raised to think a certain way and haven't had a reason to change that thought process.

And I'm sorry if I misinterpreted you or if I seemed to be implying anything. I'm not sure what it was that I misunderstood though, as it just sounds like your psyche is exploring your sexuality in ways that are likely temporary and/or fleeting. Please correct me if I'm wrong in assuming this.

[corruption]

I knew a guy who was on the slightly more homosexual side of bisexual and he said he hated that he wasn't completely straight. That made me so sad that he hated a part of himself that much. You'll learn that it's the people who accept who you are, sexuality and all, that are the ones that really care for you and are your true friends.

Some people are like that because they are raised to believe being homosexual is wrong and evil, and are themselves a bit homosexual, or bisexual. It can really mess with their minds until they learn to accept who they are. Sometimes they do what Frued called projecting, where they project their thoughts onto others, and use it as a way of justifying thinking about it. After all, who thinks more about gay sex, a self accepting gay man, or a self repressed gay man who is a homophobe and images all the guys around him are gay and fantasizing about butt sex?

[TerminalMontage]

I'm not gay, but I find men attractive all the time. Like my friend Keegan is a real stud, once we were on a trip and I shared a bed with him. I've kissed my friend Ramzy, who is also a pretty man, (it was somewhat indirect, but it did last a few seconds).

I even find myself getting nervous and stuttering around attractive men more than attractive women.