what am i supposed to do?

[shotamerican]

sorry had to delete content..

[YakkitySax]

As an adult, if you can afford it, I highly suggest getting some counseling if you can. If you won't separate yourself from your family, though you mentioned that being away from them was the absolute happiest time of your life, then that may be a good way to go for you. I would also suggest avoiding them as much as possible. If they invite you over, but you know they won't be there, then politely refuse. It might be hard, but you seem to have been programmed in some way to do what they want despite what your own feelings are. If they stomp their feet, yell, or spread rumors about you.. well, that's their fault. If the rest of the family chooses to believe them, who don't sound like very nice people, over you.. then you might just be better off without them.

Again, go talk to someone. There are some counselors who will also give you a certain amount of sessions for free if you want to look into it.